Thursday, January 18, 2007

Lauren Harries: Come On Down!

The furore regarding Celebrity Big Brother has now reached hysterical proportions.

Effigies of Europeans are being burned on the streets of India, and The Perfume Shop is withdrawing Jade Goody's perfume.

Militant Asians have petitioned Ofcom with racist allegations left, right, and centre.

I'm only surprised Jihad hasn't been called for.

he one way to calm the situation down is to replace the three Big Brother housemates who walked off the show.

Lauren Harries, is desparate to become a housemate although tests showed that her mental state isn't 100.

So? Put her in and watch her make mincemeat out of the housemates!

The Icicles

This song is from the current Moto advert - I'm lovin' it!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Sugar Daddio!

Tonight sees the start of Celebrity Big Brother, which is a welcome winter hug after the lows of Big Brother 7 and the circus of spastics and egos which accompanied it.

There has been much speculation on who's entering the house, though from what I've read in the papers, it seems that the house is going to be chock-full of has-been American celebrities with little in the way of home grown C Listers.

Although it has been reported that child antiques protege turned transexual Lauren Harries will be amongst the houseguests.

I do hope so. There was a documentary on Channel 4 called Little Lady Fauntleroy which told (albeit rather unsympathetically) the story of Lauren Harries.

Not long after this documentary was shown, I was enjoying a bottle of wine with a friend in Via Fossa in Manchester, where Lauren Harries was, surrounded by a gaggle of piss-taking blokes.

When she left, her stiletto heel got stuck in one of the cobbles of Canal Street and there was a right kerfuffle to get her shoe out of the road.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

I'm Not Drunk - I Have Cerebal Palsy

So it is now 2007.
It almost feels like I haven't been away from work over Christmas!.

After finishing work on the Friday before Christmas I frantically darted across Manchester dropping off presents and barely had time for a few festive drinks with friends.

For various reasons I didn't book a flight for my annual pilgrimage to my parents', instead, I decided at the last minute to take advantage of the Scotrail Seated Sleeper which runs between Preston and Scotland.

Having hauled my luggage (a suitcase, a shoulder bag and a Tesco carrier bag containing a bottle of wine and some food) to Salford Crescent station, I only just managed to board the Preston train, struggling to move on the packed train, which was also the last train from Manchester taking various piss heads back to their small town homes in Central Lancashire.

The passengers consisted of one extremely snooty lady, and what I took to be the Preston North End Supporters Club, some of whom decided to have a fight on the train, tearing each others' jackets and leaving a mystery little bag at my feet when the train emptied at Chorley (thanks, boys!)

Preston Station, normally one of the busiest I have ever encountered is an eerie place late at night.
There were no other passengers on the platforms, no staff in then ticket office, shutters round all the shops, and on the departures board, wierd information such as "Staff Train: 01:45".

No ticket man had been on the local Preston service, so I had to buy my ticket using one of the new machines that I had to feed with £10 notes.

Having walked to the furthest reaches of Preston I managed to board the Sleeper, only after the guard (decked out in Santa hat) checked to see if there was room on board.

Highly reccomended. By the time I reached Lancaster, I was asleep and my bottle of wine went unopened.
Your Personality Is Like Cocaine
You're dynamic, brilliant, and alluring to those who don't know you. Hyper and full of energy, you're usually the last one to leave a party. Sometimes your sharp mind gets the better of you... you're a bit paranoid!
What Drug Is Your Personality Like?